guilty...

It's hard to listen to my mom talk about the crib she's bringing to Ashley and John...and the high chair too! I'm almost waiting for her to ask for the cradle that's at my house to give to them! Very fortunately, Matt's family has a high chair, crib and playpen.

I'm really scared to tell my mom and dad the news, especially after not saying anything for the last month. I'm just not sure about their initial reactions. Of course I want their approval and want them to be truly excited, not worried for us. Eventually, I know that they will be so proud and happy.

I feel very awkward asking Ashley questions about her first prenatal visit. I'm really asking because I wonder how my visit will be different. Ashley went in at 9w, 4d's while I'll be going in somewhere in my 7th week.

It's so exciting to see my brother so excited and in awe of his new baby-to-be. Matt and I aren't getting too excited about it yet...we're waiting for the baby to grow more and to get doctor's confirmation that all is well....and we're apprehensive (or at least I am) about what exactly the future holds for all of us.

We've talked about a general plan for when the baby arrives. I'll need to go back to work as soon as possible so Matt's going to take parental leave for as long as possible...until the baby is 3 months and can go to the (great!) UH Child Care Center or until the semester break when I can be at home.

If it's a girl, we'll use my last name. If it's a boy, his last name....or maybe not? We've talked about baby girl names too! I'm not going to share just yet...but I did just found out the name we liked is the name of an evil fantasy character in a famous book/movie. It's hard to pick out names!

Whew! Now I feel much better getting my thoughts out. The guilty feeling of having a secret is subsiding.